Pretty.

People try to make life

about pretty things,

waterfalls and stars and

clouds that look like cotton candy

and sunsets

and grand professions of love

and apologies.

 

But life is not pretty.

Life is dirt on your shoes,

gum on the sidewalk,

dirty laundry and dirty dishes.

Life is braless Saturdays

and microwave popcorn and movies at midnight

with butter onĀ  your fingers

and your fingers on your tounge

waking up with knots in your hair

almost lunchtime cause you stayed out too late.

It’s cakes that taste like playdoh

because you forgot about the eggs.

Life is messy.

 

It’s stupid pop songs that you hate

but sing along to anyways

It’s vomit on the bathroom floor

Sloppy kisses and onion breath,

It’s sweat and blood and swears

and laughter at vulgar jokes

that probably shouldn’t be funny.

 

Because people drown in water

and cotton candy is sticky

and clouds bring rain.

Love allows us to hurt

and apologies mean that something

went wrong, somewhere.

 

Life is pretty messy.

 

 

Rainy Days To Spend Alone

I used to enjoy my time alone.

Rare half hours

of loud music

and dancing in the kitchen.

 

Weekends alone

were the best.

I’d spend hours

plucking strings

on my dad’s guitars

just because I liked

the sound.

 

I used to enjoy rainy days

and dance

under the gutter

during hurricanes.

 

When it rained,

I’d sneak outside

late at night,

and strip to my underwear

a let every drop

hit me and

it was so cold and sharp.

 

And I loved it.

 

But somehow I started to

spend my time alone

being lonely,

and I still like rainy days,

but only because

they match my mood.

I don’t dance

anymore.

 

And I’m not sure when I stopped

being happy.

Sources of Strength

Why do I always

find my strength

from the wrong people?

 

It’s likely,

almost certain

the problem stems

from relying

on people

at all

 

But I’m not strong enough

to live and survive

on my own

 

And I’m so damn sorry

but I can’t help loving

beautiful people

 

Believe me,

I wish I was enough

for myself.